Suryanamaskar B

Today's model is GI Joe 8 Inch Commando Duke. Duke is an ass-kicking G.I. Joe of recent vintage, belonging to the Sigma 6 series of covert operatives along with his frighteningly detailed buddies Storm Shadow, Heavy Duty, Snake Eyes, Spirit Iron Knife, and Tunnel Rat. Duke is the only one with the balls to do yoga, though, and we are pleased to have him demonstrate this sun salutation series for us.

Samasthitih!

Do not fuck with Duke. He has removed his weapons from their holsters while in the shala but he will pop your eyes out with his overdeveloped thumbs if you unroll your mat with a disrespectful snap.

Ekam!

Nice squat, Duke. Those bulky shoulders come in handy for balancing grenade launchers but they make utkatasana kind of a challenge.

Dve!

Here Duke is getting an assist for his forward bend from Orangehead Krybot, formerly a nemesis of the Power Rangers S.P.D. but then he went through some teacher training and now he's thinking about opening his own yoga studio in Ventura.

Trini!

Unlike the majority of plastic action figures, Duke can actually arch his back and raise his head somewhat. Orange Krybot is helpfully keeping Duke balanced until his hips open up a little more.

Chatvari!

Dude has a strong jump back. Tough about the perenially clenched hands, but we do what we can. Remember, Duke, "posture is mastered by freeing the body and mind from tension and restlessness and meditating on the infinite." That's some yogic wisdom, right there. Now, try breathing into your fingers.

Panca!

Nice lift in your updog, fella, and you appear to have the correct drishti. Which is kind of creepy because I didn't think your eyes could move.

Shat!

Keep working your heels down to the floor.

Sapta!

I'm just astonished by the size of your forearms.

Ashtau

And the fact that you can do chaturanga balanced on a fingernail and one knuckle.

Nava!

And don't even get me started on your hair.

Dasa!

Are you trying to balance on your fists? You have to have fists to do that, brah.

Ekadasa!

Did you take that master class with Paul Taylor last time he was through? Because there's something really expressive going on with your hips here and I just love it.

Dvadasa!

Are you doing anything after class?

Trayodasa!

We could get a chai somewhere.

Chaturdasa!

I have a great view of the Channel Islands from my deck and my roommate's out of town.

Pancadasa!

Inhale, head up!

Sodasa!

Exhale, and, uh, Krybot? I think Duke's trying to tell you that he's had enough adjustment for now.

Saptadasa!

Utkatasana! Inhale up and my God, those calves of yours.

Samasthitih!

Thanks, Duke. Come back anytime. I've got some other poses I'd like you to demonstrate for me.

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Suryanamaskar A

Today's model is Sir Rascus of the Lego Knights' Kingdom. Rascus is associated with the monkey and all that is rascally. He stands out among his fellow knights for being a daring acrobat, and we are pleased to have him demonstrating this sun salutation sequence for us.

Samasthiti!

Rascus has his visor up, all four corners of his big, flat feet grounded into the floor, and he seems pretty confident that he's the best looking guy in the shala this morning.

Ekam!

Inhale, arms up! Okay, Rascus has some tight shoulders, he can't get his palms together over his head, but he's worked out a pretty good compromise pose here and his posture looks great. Due to a neck injury he received fighting the evil Lord Vladek, Rascus has a blue plastic post attaching his head to his torso and is unable to tip his head back and get a nice stretch in his throat muscles. But no sense in pushing it and reinjuring the area.

Dve!

Whoops! That exhale and forward bend tipped Rascus right onto his toes.

Trini!

Inhale halfway back up and, okay, keep your knees bent to take some of the pressure off your lower back.

Catvari!

Exhale. Nice jump back, fella! We're going to have to talk about that visor flipping up and down over your face all the time.


And come down to chaturanga. Still exhaling? Good. You're a little rigid, I think your right foot is off the ground entirely.

Panca!

Inhale up! Nice strong arms and legs, guy.

Sat!

Exhale. Nice. Stay here for five breaths. Heels on the floor? Fantastic.

Sapta!

Inhale and jump forward, head up . . . okay, modifying, whatever works, you're doing a terrific job for a plastic action figure with only ten points of articulation.

Astau!

Exhale and bend forward. As much as you can.

Nava!

Inhale up! And your shoulder broke. Well, that's a bummer.

Samasthiti

Exhale and arms down. Thank you and nice work, Rascus, but don't get too cocky, you still have to do this four more times before we move on to Suryanamaskar B.

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