Sunday, February 04, 2007

Ardha Baddha Padmottanasana


Spiderman: "I thought we'd have class outside today on this rustic wood plank. Any objections?"


Mr. Freeze: "As soon as I can think of a diabolical response to that question, I will impart it to you, web-slinging do-gooder."
Flash: "Dude, is this floor made out of an old fence or something?"
Woody: "Don't fence me in! Ha, ha!"
Green Lantern: "Oh my god, I think I'm in the wrong class."


Spiderman: "Today's pose is ardha baddha padmottanasana."
Mr. Freeze: "Look at us when you're speaking! You are very rude! What are these foreign terms you flaunt before us?"
Flash: "It's Sanskrit, freezer face."
Woody: "I know! Golly! It means "half bound lotus standing forward bend"!
Spiderman: "Right, Woody! And also, just so everyone knows, ah, my neck is broken."


Spiderman: "Okay, I'm going to demonstrate the pose. Inhale and bring your right foot up to your left thigh, then bring your arm around your back and with your right hand grab the big toe of your right foot.


Mr. Freeze: "This is madness!"
Flash: "My knees don't bend."
Woody: "Mine, neither."
Green Lantern: "Mine do but I don't want to show off and make you guys feel bad. Also, I look fabulous standing here like this."


Spiderman: "Then exhale and bend forward, still holding onto your toe, keeping your standing leg strong, and placing your left palm flat on the floor."


Mr. Freeze: " . . . "
Flash: " . . . "
Woody: " . . . "
Green Lantern: " . . . "


Mr. Freeze: "Are you going to kill him? Or should I?"
Flash: "Dude, that's not cool."
Mr. Freeze: "Your freezer-themed humor is childish and insulting."
Flash: "Do you ever get any oxygen in that helmet? Seriously."


Woody: "Gosh, Mr. Lantern, you look like you're in really good shape! Did you get that way just from practicing yoga?"
Green Lantern: "No, I just keep every single muscle in my body flexed at all times."



Spiderman: "Hold for five to eight breaths . . . "


Spiderman: " . . . then come back up to standing, still holding your toe, and with your left arm raised high."


Mr. Freeze: "You dastardly scoundrel, I have no left arm! Your foreign practice mocks amputees."


Flash: "Don't be a whiner, Frosty."
Woody: "Don't be a Don't-Be, be a Do-Be!"
Green Lantern: "And here are my triceps."


Spiderman: "And release and come back to standing, then get ready to do the same thing on the other side."


Mr. Freeze: "I knew it! Spiderman is trying to disable us with his rigorous spiritual exercises."
Flash: "The backwards leg? I don't think that was supposed to happen."
Woody: "I think he's just incredibly flexible!"
Green Lantern: "I think I'm in love."

25 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You make your return, Elastigirl, on a night when I'm too full of burgers and beer to try the pose!

I had given up on you and just tonight bought a yoga book.

Is that young Charlie Sheen in the Green Lantern costume?

2/04/2007 6:23 PM  
Blogger wordfarmer said...

fantastic! your yoga-themed humor is twisted and invigorating. thanks for the inspiration.

2/04/2007 8:21 PM  
Blogger Miriam said...

Ew ew ew. That leg. The amputee. And here I thought Yoga was all nonviolent and stuff.

2/04/2007 9:51 PM  
Blogger Crunchy Domestic Goddess said...

LOL - thanks for the laughs. :)

2/04/2007 10:08 PM  
Blogger TSM Oregon said...

Fabulous! A new addition to my favorite blogs! Glad I found you.

The action figures at our house are not only less entertaining, but they have now taken to hiding under our bed shouting "my eyes, my eyes!". I have oft told them it's what they get for hanging out where I walk around naked.

Oh, and the green lantern thing? Just sums up my adolesence. He's hot. I Love him. He's gay. Figures.

2/04/2007 10:57 PM  
Blogger Rae said...

Welcome Back...Thought you were gone for good. Thanks for the chuckle on a dreary Monday!

2/05/2007 6:09 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Yay for Yoga beans!

2/05/2007 8:42 AM  
Blogger CindyWags said...

Thanks for the new post!

2/05/2007 9:24 AM  
Blogger Karianna said...

Oh thank goodness for laughter

2/05/2007 10:42 AM  
Blogger Veronica said...

Your thought process cracks me up. Thanks for the laughs this freezing cold Monday!

2/05/2007 10:44 AM  
Blogger Liv said...

Oh, I'm so glad you're back!! I just realized that this is a bit hard to do cold. But, I look good trying in Mrs. Kennedy's fussy shirt!

2/05/2007 11:26 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Chili said...

YAY! Thanks for the new post!

"And here are my triceps!" LOVE IT!!

You know, don't you, that you're responsible for my twisting all my nephews' action figures into yoga poses. They think I'm a nutjob when they come into the living room and find Auntie Chili putting their Spiderman in standing half moon...

2/05/2007 5:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like that the Green Lantern is just constantly flexing. That explains so much about superheroes to me!!

2/05/2007 8:08 PM  
Blogger peevish said...

Thanks for the new post! And you know I come here mainly for the homo-eroticism.

2/06/2007 6:11 AM  
Blogger Regina said...

Okay- delurking here... this was just too good. There always has to be a Woody, doesn't there! Don't you just want to do somethihg bad to Woody?! Well, maybe not, but anyway- this was great! I'll have to try the pose!
BTW- love the Kitty yoga bag, too!

2/06/2007 8:39 AM  
Blogger Shelley said...

Yay, a new Yogabeans day is ALWAYS a good day, thank you!

2/06/2007 9:37 AM  
Blogger Philip said...

Coffee has come out my nose!!!!

2/07/2007 8:37 AM  
Blogger Talix said...

I have to tell you that every time my teacher has us in any warrior pose, all I hear is Duke saying "That's some goddamn warrior spear energy right there, I tell you what."

I started taking classes just this year. You are absolutely part of the reason I started!

2/07/2007 9:08 AM  
Blogger Elastigirl said...

Yeah, I think it's time Duke came back and taught another class.

2/07/2007 9:10 AM  
Blogger Kristin said...

Another mood changing excerpt. Thanks Yogabeans!

2/12/2007 8:08 AM  
Blogger wackini said...

This is the rightest on, funniest stuff I've seen in years. And it's all YOGA.

Suddenly I'm keenly aware of the absurdity of everything in the entire universe.

Just keep it going.

Namaste.

2/13/2007 8:47 PM  
Blogger Rana said...

Wonderful! Welcome back!

(I think my favorite part is when everyone stares at Spiderman going "....")

2/14/2007 3:58 PM  
Blogger O Mama Mia said...

HOORAY!! Thank you sooo much for this one! i soooo needed a great laugh!

2/19/2007 12:34 PM  
Blogger Tamarai said...

He he he. Indeed. I like this one loads. FAB. Every single one that you've had with Spiderman in it has been quality stuff.

2/21/2007 6:48 AM  
Blogger Esmerelda said...

OH THANK YOU! This is entertainment the whole family enjoys!

2/22/2007 3:22 PM  

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