Pashimottanasana

Sulu: "Well, here we are on three-day leave and the only place Spock would beam us down to is some godforsaken planet that looks like a . . . a yoga studio."



McCoy: "Well, according to your medical records, neither of you have had any exercise in nearly twelve years. Maybe a little yoga'd do you good."

Scotty: "I'VE BEEN BUSY, MAN! THA' ENGINE'S READY TO FLY APART AT THE SLIGHTEST PROVOCATION! I SPEND EVERY WAKING MOMENT KEEPING THE SHIP RUNNING WITH THE SHEER FORCE OF MY ANXIETY!"

McCoy: "Jesus! I'm not deaf, Scotty. Sulu, what's your excuse?"

Sulu: "Uh, I'm just really baked most of the time?"



McCoy: "I appreciate your honesty, fellas, but if we're going to work off that karma from when we stole that Romulan cloaking device, we'd better find a yoga teacher, stat!"



Nero: "May I be of assistance?"

Sulu: "Holy shit, where'd you come from?"

Scotty: "YE CANNA SNEAK UP ON MEN LIKE THAT, BRANDISHIN' YER WEAPON, WITHOUT EXPECTIN' RETRIBUTION, YE GREAT ALT-HIPPIE FREAK!"

McCoy: "This may look like a simple clipboard, but it can cut a pointy-eared kook like you in half."



Nero: "Please, remain calm. I am Nero. I am here to teach the 10:30 intermediate class."



Sulu: "Oh. Awesome."

Scotty: "BUT WE'RE ABJECT BEGINNERS, WE'LL NEVER SURVIVE AN INTERMEDIATE CLASS!"

Sulu: "Dude, we can try."

Scotty: "SET YER PHASER TO KILL, SULU, IT'S THE ONLY WAY TO KEEP THIS MADMAN AWAY FROM OUR CHAKRAS!"



Nero: "I have mats you can borrow if you didn't bring your own."

Sulu: "Cool. Thanks, man."

Scotty: "MATS? WHAT SORT OF NEW AGE TRANSCENDENTAL FLYING CARPET RIDE ARE WE ABOUT TO GO ON?"

Sulu: "Uh, maybe we'll try it without the mats."



McCoy: "Scotty, I don't normally advise people do recreational drugs, but I really think you should smoke this."

Scotty: "WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"

McCoy: "It's Vulcan ginkgo."

Scotty: "WHERE DID YOU GET IT FROM? THERE'S NO GREENERY FOR MILES!"

McCoy: "It's from my stash. Be cool."

Scotty: "I'M SURROUNDED BY DRUG ADDICTS!"



Nero: "I need to ask you all to lay down your weapons and take a seat. Today we're going to practice pashimottanasana, which is a seated forward bend."



Nero: "You're going to want to reach the feet, the heart, and the crown of the head forward to elongate the spine, while simultaneously extending the shoulder blades and the heads of the femurs backward. You also want to release your buttocks."

Sulu: (snickering) "Dude, you definitely don't want me releasing my buttocks."

McCoy: "Don't tell me you ate that pizza that had been sitting out on the bridge all night?"

Sulu: "I love cold pizza, man."

Scotty: "DON'T YE DARE LET YER ASS POISON MUCK UP THE ATMOSPHERE, I WAS JUST GOING TO TAKE A DEEP BREATH, YE GREAT SELFISH GIT!"



Nero: "One thing this pose lets you work on is surrender. It's not about conquering the hamstrings, but about letting go. To breathe into and release the hamstrings can be very upsetting. We store many powerful emotions, such as suppressed anger, competitiveness, and fear of inadequacy, in our hamstring muscles."



McCoy: "Well, I'll be dipped. All this time I thought I was storing my folksy wisdom in my hamstrings."

Sulu: "I'm becoming one with my colon!"

Scotty: "I CAN'T TOUCH MY TOES!"



McCoy: ". . . and I'm out."

Scotty: "OH, GOD, THE ASS POISON."

Sulu: "Sorry, guys."



Nero: "How dare you release your ass poison in my class! Now I'm going to poke you."

Sulu: "Harsh."



Scotty: "DON'T YE POKE SULU! IF A MAN HAS TO RELEASE HIS ASS POISON, THEN HE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO RELEASE IT!"

Nero: "He must learn to control his anus. If you can control your anus, you can keep the life force from leaking out at the base of your spine."

Scotty: "WELL, BE THAT AS IT MAY, I -- UH -- WHAT?"

Nero: "Maybe I should try to avoid getting too esoteric in beginner classes."



Scotty: "WHO'RE YOU CALLIN' BEGINNER, SPARKY?"

Nero: "Uh, didn't you say that you . . . ?"

Scotty: "I'LL TEACH YE TO SURRENDER YER BUTTOCKS AND BIND UP YOUR ANUS! WHAT A CONTRADICTORY LOAD OF CLAPTRAP."

Nero: "Well, it's less of a contradiction than it is an opportunity to play with opposing forces."

Scotty: "GREAT LEAPING SHIVA, MAN, HOW CAN YE BE SO CALM, I'VE GOT A LASER SET TO KILL POINTED STRAIGHT AT YER BALLS?!"

Nero: "Are you kidding me? If I survived the reviews for The Hulk, I can make it through anything."



Sulu: "Dude is enlightened."



McCoy: "Next time on yogabeans! we'll be talking about purvottanasana, the "intense eastern stretch." Come on back, y'all hear?"

Nero's dialogue quotes Gregor Maehle's Ashtanga Yoga Practice & Philosophy.